Friday, June 24, 2011

seriously, i dont know how anybody talks to me without looking ''there''

                                              this 3rd pic is probably the
                                                                                                                   most like my natural laugh

Wow look at these horrendous pictures. And yes that is glare on my gums.  I know everyone stares at my gums when I talk or smile. I HATE IT. Usually though, I try not to smile as big (half smile)and I make sure I cover my mouth when I laugh really hard. The worst part is when people ''try'' not to look there. Or when someone talks to me, and the second I open my mouth, their eyes go from my eyes to my mouth (and they're probably like woah!)

My smile has been the worst part of my life because not only has  it affected my self esteem, but its affected the way I live my life. Social situations especially. I have like a social phobia and I keep an awkward distance from so many people. I don't even know how I even had a romantic relationship happen from my low self esteem. I always thought everyone must be grossed out from my teeth. I'm glad I found someone like my husband that looks past this though. He did tell me that he noticed my gums and teeth (how could he not)when we first met and that he didn't care because he has crooked teeth. I don't know what that means. Not really a compliment but I know he means well.

My one dream, after this surgery is to laugh! And laugh without anything holding me back. A release, I believe it would be. It's like I keep my emotions stuck inside because I cant somehow release my happy emotions.
I am a happy person but can come off as really sarcastic and moody. Or, in one word..serious. I'm not though. I am really really funny but not many ppl know that side of me. This personality I have  may be an excuse. An excuse not to smile or laugh.

I don't wanna seem vain like having a nice smile is the only thing that's important in life. Its just that I know this is the root of all my problems. And maybe when I can fix this, I can be who I really am.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011