Thursday, December 15, 2011

starting over

Hey guys I haven't been on in a while, but my surgery should be near. Were thinking by Feb,2012. I'm so excited!

The problem is my insurance (that already pre authorized everything and was good to go) has been cancelled! what a nightmare:(
I have a new insurance now and already sent in a claim for pre-authorization. I'm so worried because its an insurance that no one has ever heard of before. They work with super med/medical mutual so hopefully it will work. I'm soo worried though since I am near done with my ortho. It is not the time to just hope. idk what to do if they deny. My bite has gotten worse purposely for the surgery so theres like really no turning back especially with 4 teeth extracted. Oh jeez i don't even wanna think about it..happy thoughts, happy thoughts:/

Anyways I just recently seen my jaw surgeon because with the new insurance I had to pretty much start over. So I had to have a new consult visit. I was happy because compared to my first consult a yr ago, this visit felt better. He told me that he thinks I will have 5 mm advancement on my lower jaw and 5 mm impaction of my upper jaw. I was surprised that it is not much movement since I have an extreme gummy smile but he explained that I have very small teeth that if he moves up my upper jaw too much, that my teeth would get lost and my mouth will look weird. So he said with the size of my teeth, he would like too see some gum, just a more natural smile, which made me happy cuz I still wanna be me.  I don't want anything too drastic. He said that no one will really know what I did, and that they'll just be like oh she looks better but idk why. sounds good to me!

My next ortho appt is on Jan 25 2012. I will likely  schedule soon after for the molds. By that time hopefully I will have good news from insurance..fingers crossed!

Friday, June 24, 2011

seriously, i dont know how anybody talks to me without looking ''there''

                                              this 3rd pic is probably the
                                                                                                                   most like my natural laugh

Wow look at these horrendous pictures. And yes that is glare on my gums.  I know everyone stares at my gums when I talk or smile. I HATE IT. Usually though, I try not to smile as big (half smile)and I make sure I cover my mouth when I laugh really hard. The worst part is when people ''try'' not to look there. Or when someone talks to me, and the second I open my mouth, their eyes go from my eyes to my mouth (and they're probably like woah!)

My smile has been the worst part of my life because not only has  it affected my self esteem, but its affected the way I live my life. Social situations especially. I have like a social phobia and I keep an awkward distance from so many people. I don't even know how I even had a romantic relationship happen from my low self esteem. I always thought everyone must be grossed out from my teeth. I'm glad I found someone like my husband that looks past this though. He did tell me that he noticed my gums and teeth (how could he not)when we first met and that he didn't care because he has crooked teeth. I don't know what that means. Not really a compliment but I know he means well.

My one dream, after this surgery is to laugh! And laugh without anything holding me back. A release, I believe it would be. It's like I keep my emotions stuck inside because I cant somehow release my happy emotions.
I am a happy person but can come off as really sarcastic and moody. Or, in one word..serious. I'm not though. I am really really funny but not many ppl know that side of me. This personality I have  may be an excuse. An excuse not to smile or laugh.

I don't wanna seem vain like having a nice smile is the only thing that's important in life. Its just that I know this is the root of all my problems. And maybe when I can fix this, I can be who I really am.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Saturday, May 21, 2011

celebs and their jaws lol

Is it me or do you guys notice everyones jaws now? It's weird. Whenever I'm out or watch TV, I notice what their jaw malformations are. Very judgmental of me, I know, but I guess it's because I've gotten into like a jaw surgery world. It's all I think about. At least twice or 3x a day. I've even looked at a few pics of celebrities and noticed that they may need orthognathic surgery. Obviously I'm not a doctor and I don't know the functionality of their bite, but judging esthetically I think I've become a pro lol

Friday, April 15, 2011

touch up/gum contouring

Touch up... lol. Sounds like I'm talking about makeup.

The third pic is after my surgeon contoured a little more gum. They were still inflamed after the crown lengthening in the second. Well... I guess now my teeth are finally all exposed. WOW I really do see a difference compared to the first pic.

So yeah this is my horrible smile and I can't wait to move on up. Literally lol

What's next?  More orthodontic work thennn surgery! I actually cannot wait!


Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I came across a poem I wrote a while back. Actually a real long time ago. I think I was like 15 when I wrote it. I read it and thought.. Wow,this is how I feel about myself and have always felt. I wanted to share it cuz i thought i bet a lot of Us needing jaw surgery may have felt this way at one point in our lives.It's kinda emo though lol......

No one knows how I feel
No one knows what's wrong with me and what's the deal
No one knows if I'm sad or happy
No one knows which is real

I'll show you that I'm happy
But inside I just wanna die
I guess I just know how to hide

Every day I start fights
Not the physical kind
But the kind that you use all your might to hold back your tears
and just cry all night

I wish I didn't have to
I wish I can just tell you
But you won't understand
Because nobody knows what I go through

Lifes tough and lifes rough
And I have so much sorrow
But there's nothing I can do
But just go through the same thing tomorrow

Friday, March 4, 2011

predicted outcome of my profile with my fancy app

i was playing around with an app i have on my phone called FaceGoo lite.  i took a pic and stretched out my chin or jaw or whatever. i think ive become obsessed about this surgery. anyways, these pics are just for fun. this is just an app. i dont know what my real results will actually be.. my teeth are nowhere near where they should be yet so i have no idea how much movement i need in my jaws yet. yeah soo i was just bored i guess



the before pic is real... the after i stretched it out

Friday, February 4, 2011

only the beginning...sord of

I had my crown lengthening surgery last week. I call it surgery because I was under anesthesia. I dont know what for, but I didn't mind since it felt like 5 minutes. The reason for the crown lengthening was to expose more teeth so my jaw surgeon can know how much to move my upper jaw up. So now that he knows the whole size of my smile he can now envision where my teeth should be.

Man do I have big gums!!! Or should I say a really, really  long upper jaw..what the hell! And it doesn't help that I have small teeth.  What I never understood though was..when ppl poke fun at me, it kinda sounds like an how can they say I have horse teeth and at the same time, say i still have my baby i guess im a baby horse? lol

I also had 2 premolars extracted on my bottom teeth so I can recreate my original overbite..I need this done so my surgeon can have room to advance my lower jaw.

I have before and after pics of the crown lengthening. These pics are not clear because I used my phone. Wack ass iPhone 4! Lol just kiddin I love my phone but why in the world does Apple brag that it has an HD cam? It def does not look like it. I will get a better cam when I upload more pics in the future.  Probably when I am near surgery.

Ok brace yourself (get it? brace? braces? hehe, im chuckling) no really brace yourself..these pics are not cute:

So........ its subtle.  Still A LOT of gums but its a little better. I guess the teeth are not as round. Oh you can't see them, but I have stitches in the afters..its only been 8 days after the crown lengthening so they're still inflamed.

and as for extractions..they were pretty much  healed the next day! so that was good

Sunday, January 9, 2011

how i ended up going through with orthognathic surgery

I've been told throughout my whole life that i needed jaw surgery. Every time I tried fixing my problem with different options, they would all tell me the same thing..''sorry, you need jaw surgery'' but I wouldn't listen. I thought, hell noooo! I cannot do something so huge like that! I tried fixing my gummy smile with gum surgery. I looked aaaaalright for like 2 weeks till my gums grew back. one day, I thought let me try braces again. I've had braces before when i was like 13 or 14 but all they did was ''straighten'' my teeth. They did not prevent or fix my extreme overbite and my even more extreme gummy smile. I have a really gummy smile because my upper jaw is vertically long and double the length of a normal jaw. So 2010 I decided to get braces...again..ugh. I thought let me see what my options are now that I'm older.

of course my orthodontist said ''you need jaw surgery.''  the problem was i was so afraid that i quickly told him no! and asked him if there was anything else i can do. he told me that he can extract 2 teeth from top( premolars) and push back my teeth to give an illusion that my overbite isn't THAT bad. and as for my gummy smile i thought hey i lived with it my whole life so far, i can live with it till i die..(i guess)

i decided to go with the no surgery option. boyyyyyy did i  make a mistake!! half way through my treatment(yep,braces for almost a yr and 2 missing teeth later) i went crazy of how my face has changed and had gotten worse. the 3rd lowest part of my face has all sunken in! so basically i look like alien forehead, big cheeks, bigGER gums and no jaw. sexy huh?

after i had my meltdown i thought why am i going through life trying to find the easiest way out. i just cant have what i want that easy. my face has skeletal deformities and I've never even considered surgery?

well now i am finally doing it! no more beating around the bush.

I'm now having 2 teeth removed from my bottom teeth on Jan 27 2011(to bring back my overbite so my jaw surgeon can have room to move it) basically I'm starting

i know it will be worth it when i am done with all this and i am able to crack a smile and no more gums!!!!!!!!!:D